the walking issue has been resolved thanks to a trip to the toyota dealership. my 2006 corolla is blue and absolutely dreamy. the idea that i can get in it and go anywhere is a new feeling. i think the last time i "had" a car (and by had, i think i mean borrowed, and by car i think i mean my parents' car) was in my last two years of college. the feeling nearly matches that one i had in chicago where i could get out and walk anywhere. still, i think i prefer the walking feeling. i breathed fresh air and people watched without the risk of a crash. there's something very solitary about walking alone in the city, which i loved. in the car you have to think about everyone else. on your feet you can observe them without responsibility.
school is getting started. sort of easing into my life day by day. today i put a toe in the water by meeting with the teacher who had my position last year. i'll have lots of questions for him. i haven't had to get up early yet, but tomorrow i will. from the past few mornings i have hazy memories of will standing next to the bed in a suit wanting to say goodbye. i try to act like i'm awake. but inevitably, i'm saying silly things in a slurred voice and fading back into some bizarre dream as soon as he floats away. just as i suspected, i'm figuring out how to sleep in -- merely days before i'll be required to snap back into the early rising schedule.
i'm heading to the tattoo shop today to see if i can schedule a consultation concerning my tattoo idea. they'll actually be two small tattoos on my inner wrists, of a treble clef and a bass clef, corresponding with the right and left hand of the piano part. i'm really looking forward to it.
i've discovered my schedule as a 60% orchestra teacher this year will begin mid morning and end (sometimes) at the end of the day. this will make it easy for me to try to teach lessons in the city i'm teaching right after school and make some extra money. it also leaves me with a nice, relaxing morning. i love love love that. i can still have a cup of coffee and ease out of bed. i'll only have to leave by 9ish. although i don't have the exact times yet.
time to go, enjoy my coffee, and watch my recorded episode of anthony bourdain in jamaica (the "real" jamaica, he says, and i believe him). i already miss that place.
20090818
20090807
de pere
our apartment in de pere is enormous by our standards. over a thousand square feet for the half the price of our little chicago apartment. but the upgrade doesn't come without disadvantages. there is no 7-11 around the corner. and even if i were daring enough to walk the overpass to our nearest gas station/convenience store, which i tried to do unsuccessfully yesterday, i'm given confusing looks and ride offers. "i'm not a pervert or nothin," said one man yesterday as i walked on the gravelly side of scheuring road, "it's just that it's dangerous to walk on these streets." safe or unsafe, i'm reminded that walking the streets, driving them, or simply existing in this town means you're conspicuous. people are generous and kind to strangers, but there was something comforting about being able to disappear in the big city. you couldn't get anyone to notice you if you were walking down the street in a bunny suit in chicago. i think i liked that a lot. strange that the third most populated city in the u.s. was one of the easiest in which to avoid other people.
back to the pros.
i've got friends here. as i said before the apartment is almost bigger than i know what to do with. a patio. we can grill. dvr (which is a bigger deal to me than you might think). cheap groceries. a job that's really meant for me. not that west belden wasn't. i think i made the best of it. but i can't wait to teach strings.
the wedding was the best time of both of our lives. it was me and you and everyone we know, i said to will. a lovely time, it was. and we wish we could do it again next week.
i finished reading the secret history (by donna tartt). i read most of it during plane rides and layovers to and from jamaica. at first i thought i loved it. soon after i finished it i decided there were quite a few reasons i didn't. the characters were self centered and amoral. and hard to relate to. the time frame was hard to grasp. 1990s new england in which college students eat cream cheese and marmalade sandwiches, wear suits every day and refer to each other as "old man." what a beautifully written story, anyway. nice prose. and a fascinating mystery.
now i've picked up dave eggers' what is the what. very nice so far. a well told story, but i can't get dave eggers out of my head as he's writing in first person, even though i should be imagining a sudanese man. i wonder how he knows so much about growing up in sudan. but he's doing a great job so far, i think, because i manage to get lost in it at times. it feels real, i guess. incredibly sad, though, and depressing. maybe it wasn't a summer read. soon i'll read a people's history of the united states by howard zinn. i can't wait for that.
will's out of town. i miss him, even though it's only been one night so far. by tomorrow morning he'll be back. :)
back to the pros.
i've got friends here. as i said before the apartment is almost bigger than i know what to do with. a patio. we can grill. dvr (which is a bigger deal to me than you might think). cheap groceries. a job that's really meant for me. not that west belden wasn't. i think i made the best of it. but i can't wait to teach strings.
the wedding was the best time of both of our lives. it was me and you and everyone we know, i said to will. a lovely time, it was. and we wish we could do it again next week.
i finished reading the secret history (by donna tartt). i read most of it during plane rides and layovers to and from jamaica. at first i thought i loved it. soon after i finished it i decided there were quite a few reasons i didn't. the characters were self centered and amoral. and hard to relate to. the time frame was hard to grasp. 1990s new england in which college students eat cream cheese and marmalade sandwiches, wear suits every day and refer to each other as "old man." what a beautifully written story, anyway. nice prose. and a fascinating mystery.
now i've picked up dave eggers' what is the what. very nice so far. a well told story, but i can't get dave eggers out of my head as he's writing in first person, even though i should be imagining a sudanese man. i wonder how he knows so much about growing up in sudan. but he's doing a great job so far, i think, because i manage to get lost in it at times. it feels real, i guess. incredibly sad, though, and depressing. maybe it wasn't a summer read. soon i'll read a people's history of the united states by howard zinn. i can't wait for that.
will's out of town. i miss him, even though it's only been one night so far. by tomorrow morning he'll be back. :)
20090505
monday marked our third car accident in the carpool, and the second in a matter of two short weeks. amanda stopped when there was a yellow light, even though there was plenty of time. the last time she took the risk she smashed up her car. this time, a few seconds after the stop, we felt a hard bump from behind. i turned to see the fat yellow nose of a school bus. the driver said her brakes didn't work. amanda and i decided there was nothing either of us could do anymore to avoid being hit. it's a part of living in a bloated city with very clogged arteries.
not long ago, a friend from work got an unexpected text from her live-in boyfriend. it said "i'm moving out." anne, by the way, is a great communicator. she says what needs to be said before anyone else has the guts to at our team meetings. i don't think she's capable of keeping any important pieces of information a secret, or, worse yet, relaying these pieces via the cold, insensitive world of text messaging. i thought, how does such a supreme communicator get slighted in such a way? what did she do wrong? it's like walking down the street and getting punched in the face without warning.
i don't know where i was going with this. i really have nothing poetic to say in respect to these instances. just that life isn't fair, but i hope that something happens for anne and for amanda. even if it's ten chapters away in the stories of their lives. something that makes it all okay. but sometimes i think that maybe this is something we say as human beings to keep us from getting depressed about things we can't control.
not long ago, a friend from work got an unexpected text from her live-in boyfriend. it said "i'm moving out." anne, by the way, is a great communicator. she says what needs to be said before anyone else has the guts to at our team meetings. i don't think she's capable of keeping any important pieces of information a secret, or, worse yet, relaying these pieces via the cold, insensitive world of text messaging. i thought, how does such a supreme communicator get slighted in such a way? what did she do wrong? it's like walking down the street and getting punched in the face without warning.
i don't know where i was going with this. i really have nothing poetic to say in respect to these instances. just that life isn't fair, but i hope that something happens for anne and for amanda. even if it's ten chapters away in the stories of their lives. something that makes it all okay. but sometimes i think that maybe this is something we say as human beings to keep us from getting depressed about things we can't control.
20090416
here it is
monday. chicago was overcast. in the evening i went to my first jiu jitsu class with hanette and loved it. girls smell better than boys, which is good. my abs have hurt since.
tuesday. it was raining here. and chilly. amanda drove her mazda through a yellow light and into an electric blue nissan that was turning left from the opposite direction. i was in the passenger seat. accident number two for the west belden carpool, although it was a different driver and half the personnel. first graders visited the elderly home across the street and rocked the house with tutti frutti. an old woman held my hand and cried as she told me about her grandson, robert, who she never sees. i went to bed early. sore from jiu jitsu and the car accident.
wednesday. i told my principal and team leader i'm moving to madison. they were incredibly kind with their responses. i went to jiu jitsu again and felt really good when it was over. i'm less sore and beginning to feel stronger. hanette told will i'll be pretty good. i had no idea i'd like it. i almost didn't try it. you miss all the shots you don't take. didn't wayne gretzky say that? i can't believe i just quoted a hockey player.
tuesday. it was raining here. and chilly. amanda drove her mazda through a yellow light and into an electric blue nissan that was turning left from the opposite direction. i was in the passenger seat. accident number two for the west belden carpool, although it was a different driver and half the personnel. first graders visited the elderly home across the street and rocked the house with tutti frutti. an old woman held my hand and cried as she told me about her grandson, robert, who she never sees. i went to bed early. sore from jiu jitsu and the car accident.
wednesday. i told my principal and team leader i'm moving to madison. they were incredibly kind with their responses. i went to jiu jitsu again and felt really good when it was over. i'm less sore and beginning to feel stronger. hanette told will i'll be pretty good. i had no idea i'd like it. i almost didn't try it. you miss all the shots you don't take. didn't wayne gretzky say that? i can't believe i just quoted a hockey player.
20090408
chicago haiku
(1)
lake michigan wind
hold your breath, it breathes for you
inhale & exhale
(2)
twenty-one floors up
we pile up high like pancakes
living in the sky
(3)
forty-five minutes
an ant in his crowded 'hill
for only eight miles
(4)
red doesn't mean stop
it means go you can make it
where people don't care
(5)
look south and don't blink
a stretched and crooked night light
keeps a glowing watch
(6)
that c-t-a man
has a job we're all green for.
never goes away.
wrightwood.
please exit at the rear.
michigan.
no eating, smoking gambling..
fullerton. fullerton. fullerton.
lake michigan wind
hold your breath, it breathes for you
inhale & exhale
(2)
twenty-one floors up
we pile up high like pancakes
living in the sky
(3)
forty-five minutes
an ant in his crowded 'hill
for only eight miles
(4)
red doesn't mean stop
it means go you can make it
where people don't care
(5)
look south and don't blink
a stretched and crooked night light
keeps a glowing watch
(6)
that c-t-a man
has a job we're all green for.
never goes away.
wrightwood.
please exit at the rear.
michigan.
no eating, smoking gambling..
fullerton. fullerton. fullerton.
here's what really happened
belated photos from mahboobeh's birthday. as promised.
mah & me.
one robinson + one almost robinson
katie & me.
mah & me.
one robinson + one almost robinson
katie & me.
20090406
what if my head was a fish?
it's the first official day of spring break. gone are the days of foam parties and usher's reverberating "yeah," waking up in mexico with pink eye, or in madtown with a hangover that could kill a small dog. today, i made two eggs, over easy, with toast and coffee, put my hair in a bun, and turned on oprah. will took the day off, too, and is laying in bed. he has a hard time knowing i have the day off and not taking advantage of the day himself. i think this is the third time he's done it this school year. i told him this was all fine as long as he didn't try to change the channel until the morning shows were over. fortunately for him, he may sleep through them.
i talked to the female jiu jitsu instructor from our gym last night at the fights. (jay and katie took us to the wec fights, which was nice of them.) next monday i'm going to try the free, all girls' class. she's bringing me a gi for that day. i can't wait to try.
madison is getting closer again. soon i'll be looking for a job there. i read the isthmus and imagine things. it's been three years of chicago and me. i'll have to rename my blog. (any ideas?) and reorganize my life. i moved into my lincoln park studio in 2006, single. this summer, i'll be married and living in madison. my life story is going so fast. it's the chapter in the book that frustrates you because it lets all these things happen to the character within barely two pages. more summaries than details. a timeline, above all else. which is why i have to sit and write sometimes. rediscover the details and acknowledge them as they dart around my feet.
going home to green bay on wednesday. i'll do wedding things and see my friends and family. we still don't have a cake. ties, a dress for the jr. bridesmaid, centerpieces. all those things.
someone at will's work said the other day that it would have been better if mermaids had fish heads and woman bodies instead of the other way around. better for the lonely sailors, that is. that day, i asked will if he liked my face and he said of course he does. i just had to make sure.
i talked to the female jiu jitsu instructor from our gym last night at the fights. (jay and katie took us to the wec fights, which was nice of them.) next monday i'm going to try the free, all girls' class. she's bringing me a gi for that day. i can't wait to try.
madison is getting closer again. soon i'll be looking for a job there. i read the isthmus and imagine things. it's been three years of chicago and me. i'll have to rename my blog. (any ideas?) and reorganize my life. i moved into my lincoln park studio in 2006, single. this summer, i'll be married and living in madison. my life story is going so fast. it's the chapter in the book that frustrates you because it lets all these things happen to the character within barely two pages. more summaries than details. a timeline, above all else. which is why i have to sit and write sometimes. rediscover the details and acknowledge them as they dart around my feet.
going home to green bay on wednesday. i'll do wedding things and see my friends and family. we still don't have a cake. ties, a dress for the jr. bridesmaid, centerpieces. all those things.
someone at will's work said the other day that it would have been better if mermaids had fish heads and woman bodies instead of the other way around. better for the lonely sailors, that is. that day, i asked will if he liked my face and he said of course he does. i just had to make sure.
20090318
she said that her life story was happening faster than her life
my day so far. 5th grade watches annie. they say "ew" at the romantic parts and sing along to the songs they know. 3rd grade rehearses their hindi song for the indian celebration of holi. we work on keeping a steady beat with our instruments. we talk about the assembly and what we should do if we get nervous. i eat school lunch. a hotdog i have to heat up in the microwave because it's ice cold. 1st grade practices magic penny. love IS something if you give it away. we're singing to the elderly residents at senior suites soon. i pop in our irish song and the kids do a jig. kindergarten sings a few songs on the carpet - a song called safety first, which always makes me laugh, don't worry be happy, and a hannah montana song before we say goodbye. i pound my heels over to upper school. i'm on my way to 7th grade. if i said i wasn't nervous going there anymore i'd be lying. inside myself, i'm stacking my wall with bricks - i build up my energy and put on my armor. they're not so bad today. most of them finish their mood drawings for the theme from swan lake. i tell keandre to stop looking at pictures of women in swimsuits on the computer and draw his scene. i make some threats (if you don't finish, you won't get to bring your favorite music in on monday - you'll be in the principal's office finishing this project), i collect papers, i roll out.
i sit down.
is the day over yet?
extremely loud and incredibly close is one of my favorite books ever. it's intimacy. real, human intimacy. train of thought is authentic and very fluid. characters are likeable and the situation is real enough to believe but new enough to keep the reader involved. love is touchable - it's THERE. it's not fluffy. it's not plastic, storybook love. it's love between older people whose bodies are small and wrinkled and scarred. love for impressive strangers. love for ideas and for the world. the story foer's written is beautiful, but what i'll remember the most is the feeling. when i finished the book i didn't want the feeling to go away. the title is fitting. it's life and emotion magnified. extremely, incredibly. 4 stars (out of 4).
3 cups of tea is less easy to get through. names and places are pakistani and i get too caught up trying to remember them all that i lose the story. i reread every paragraph. the flow isn't its strong point. the writing isn't either. it's more the incredibly selfless story of greg mortenson and the school he's building. i'm determined to make it through, but it's difficult. so far, 2 stars.
now is the day over? i must enter grades. until next time.
i sit down.
is the day over yet?
extremely loud and incredibly close is one of my favorite books ever. it's intimacy. real, human intimacy. train of thought is authentic and very fluid. characters are likeable and the situation is real enough to believe but new enough to keep the reader involved. love is touchable - it's THERE. it's not fluffy. it's not plastic, storybook love. it's love between older people whose bodies are small and wrinkled and scarred. love for impressive strangers. love for ideas and for the world. the story foer's written is beautiful, but what i'll remember the most is the feeling. when i finished the book i didn't want the feeling to go away. the title is fitting. it's life and emotion magnified. extremely, incredibly. 4 stars (out of 4).
3 cups of tea is less easy to get through. names and places are pakistani and i get too caught up trying to remember them all that i lose the story. i reread every paragraph. the flow isn't its strong point. the writing isn't either. it's more the incredibly selfless story of greg mortenson and the school he's building. i'm determined to make it through, but it's difficult. so far, 2 stars.
now is the day over? i must enter grades. until next time.
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