marriage is usually a bad move.

so i called the chicago tribune guy today. i left a message using my well-rehearsed interview voice. i hope to hear from him today.

i always pictured a lack of money as a shotty southside apartment with empty cupboards and empty closets. this is not the case. it's also a decent sized, well-decorated lincoln park studio with too many shirts for hangers. everything around me, however, is residual. from the days when i had student loan money, red lobster money, whatever.

meanwhile, chris martin croons to me on the radio "nobody said it was easy." and in all fairness, it's followed by "no one ever said it would be so hard."

last night i brought will to meet an old high school friend who just moved to chicago with his new wife. we ate at dunlays and i realized how little i've paid attention to other high school friends' lives in the past five or six years. marriages, divorces, disappearances, etc. speaking of which, a closer friend from high school may be ending his year-long marriage with the girl responsible for his disappearance from my life a few years ago. i'm sad for him that it's not working out. it's kind of funny - in the past i've looked at their wedding pictures on facebook, admiring their love for each other. inevitably it made me feel like there was some hole in my life. it's not that i'm realizing there wasn't a hole, because there was. but, i'm realizing i wasn't looking at what i thought i was looking at in those pictures. they weren't ready, and they weren't sure, maybe. i don't think most people really have that whole thing figured out. and it's not spilled milk. it's a big, messy, expensive mistake to make very early in life.

kinda makes my struggles seem small.