Off-balance

In the material sense, I'm surviving. Nothing more or less. I always have food, even though I rarely buy groceries. Canned soup and pasta go a long way, and I get to eat at the restaurant every night that I work. I have clothes to wear, and to say I'm not happy with my wardrobe doesn't mean much because I never like what I have. I always wish I had something more stylish, more fresh and clean and brand new. If I had any money I think I could become one of those addictive shoppers. Constantly buying new things and never wearing them.

In the emotional sense, I'm thriving. I'm at the top of my game. Will gives me something to look forward to every day. Finding him has been the best luck I've had in years. I wonder sometimes how down I would be right now if it weren't for him to cheer me up after failed interviews and bounced checks. He reminds me this will all pass, and that it will happen for me.

I'm getting excited about the nannying thing. About kids, and Monday through Friday and having nights and weekends to myself instead of long, cloudy days. Getting up late and working at night in a restaurant underground with poor lighting feels tragic. I do what I can for now, but it's just not my style.

I hope to get some offers by the end of the month.