my green grass

there are certain traits i see in people that i believe have existed since the beginning of time: the inclinations to love, laugh, fight, feel jealous, and indulge, just to name a few. as long as there have been communities of people, certain emotions or behaviors must have existed. on that note, i think it's only part of human nature to be dissatisfied with what we have. at least a little bit. it seems to be one of the most difficult things in the world to think of our lives, with everything we have acquired in them, as complete.

for instance, i talked to my sister last night, who is struggling to take this thing she's been wanting and working for, something that she's now achieved, and arrive at a stable and content place with it. it was something everyone (including she) thought she wanted, and now that it's here she seems unhappy. she's having just as hard a time as the rest of us figuring out why.

just as i found myself becoming a little worried about her, i began to worry myself. lately, i've been feeling sort of bitter and on-edge, and will seemed to discover it before i did. this morning he was worried that i wasn't happy with him lately. at that moment, reality slapped me in the face. of course i was happy, especially with him. he's the best thing that's happened to me yet in this city. somehow i had forgotten how grateful i once was to have someone like him with me, doing nice things for me and pumping me up all the time. why haven't i been showing it?

with all that i have, do i dare feel ungrateful? and i realize i have a really great life. i'm living in chicago, like i'd planned, making enough money to live in an expensive city, and spending my spare time with a guy who's always making me feel good about myself. i'm healthy and i have amazing friends and family.

i read an article not long ago about scientists trying to figure out the evolutionary function of faith. in terms of survival of the human race, what purpose does it serve? and what is it about believing the grass is greener elsewhere that serves us as humans? maybe it makes us ambitious. it keeps us alive and trying every day to make things better for ourselves. maybe, to an extent, believing our own grass isn't green enough helps us continue to improve. on the other hand, would it hurt our ambition that badly if we could just be happy?

i think forgetting to feel grateful and happy is inevitable for nearly everyone. some forget more often than others do. personally, i believe in happiness over ambition, anyway. so i'm going to try my hardest to stop forgetting to be happy.