children with guns

home alone for the weekend. my best friend is in new hampshire visiting his brother's family. i got out on friday night with a friend from work but otherwise have no motivation to do anything without will. it's just not as fun. what was it like before him? i can hardly remember.

all morning i've been seeing the chicago marathon runners through my window. now, the only people passing by are the stragglers, walking patiently between the big red barriers.

i've always wondered if i could survive a marathon. let me rephrase that - i've always wondered if i would survive a marathon. because with training i believe i could. i love running, i'm healthy. do i want to? not today. maybe someday. until then i'll keep running my five little miles a day on the treadmill, the smell of sweaty jiu jitsu dudes in the air.

earlier this week, a 15 year old shot and killed a 13 year old while he was buying a snack at the store. (here is the article in the tribune.) they were from the school where i had my second interview in chicago. the far south side - bright elementary. bright elementary. what a deceptive name. it's a sad school with bars on the windows and a "no guns or knives of any kind" sign greeting its students and staff at the front door. dirty shoebox houses stand along the streets like a row of prisoners waiting for the firing squad. they were ready to hire me, but the principal's eyes on mine said i'm sure you won't call back. you'll find something else. this is the worst of the worst and you know it. i wish you could do it, but you're afraid you can't. mine answered, i know.

i can't imagine losing students on a regular basis, as many chicago teachers do. they're either very strong or rather numb to it all. you'd have to be one or the other. and i thought i had it tough at west belden. in a lot of ways i still do. standing on the brink of disaster is in some ways more excruciating than staring it in the face.

i'm voting absentee this year. wisconsin needs me more than illinois does. luckily both look like they're headed in the right direction. (or shall i say left?)